Friday, March 11, 2016

Does Anyone Want This Extra Pretzel?

My precious cousins, Steffanie and Michael, had their long-awaited and much prayed-for, beautiful daughter yesterday!  This is such a big deal to me because SO MUCH of my family sucks, but Steff and Michael don't. They just are genuinely good people.

The only down-side of the experience is that Steff had to have a C-section. I feel bad for Steff because she had a C-section. Well, guess what? I had a C-section as well, and I can't believe how similar our experiences were! Look at what Steff got to eat:
Hmmm, is that a smoothie made with Silk Almond milk, yogurt, peanut butter, and frozen, organic berries? Yes, yes, I think it is. There is just no way I could have eaten all that before I had my C-section, so when the nurse handed me my three pretzels, I could only eat two.
I have not yet spoken to Steff, but when the time came to actually go into the operating room, I'm sure Steff was rolled in a bed or a wheelchair for one of the most important events of her life. Steff, I don't want to make you angry, but I think that was just a little lazy of you. I think you would have been just fine walking down the hall all alone like I had to do while trying to hold the hospital gown over my substantial ass. (For those of you who don't remember, I gained 55 pounds with Emerson.)
I also think you would have been just fine mopping the floor like I did on the way to the operating room. (OK. That didn't really happen.)
However, even though you were rolled and I was walking, I'm sure it also would have been fine if a woman you had never seen before in your life screamed at you at the top of her lungs, "When you get to the end of this hall, make a right and then a quick left." (That actually DID happen.)
And that is so great that Michael got to stay with you the ENTIRE time. It was kind of like that with Danny and me too, except that Danny got to stay with me for approximately 6.5 minutes. (Right here, I was going to make a joke that he got to stay for the birth for the exact amount of time that he stayed for the conception, but I'm way past the point of hating him, and, besides, there are way too many women that can refute me.) Really, though, 6.5 minutes! The ONLY time I needed Danny in 13 years because I was scared to death, and I got him for 6.5 minutes.
So, Steff, I can't wait to meet you! The similarity of our birthing experiences already makes me feel so bonded to you!