Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Please Help Me Get My Ear Back!

The elfin ear depicted in the photo to the right------------> (just in case you're a real idiot like I am and you have to sit there and think about which way is right and which way is left) is gone. 

It wasn't a Van Gogh-esque self-mutilation, and I wasn't attacked in a dark alley for the $.50 and the curiously strong Altoids I carry in my purse.

That ear has always been a family joke because it is a wee bit elfin-shaped.  Until this year, I would never wear a ponytail because of it.  Then I decided, "Screw it.  You've got one foot at the crematory and the other on that filthy dirty kitchen floor of yours, so wear a pony tail, for the love of the Son of God," so I did.  And even with my paranoia issues, I didn't feel like anyone was looking at me. (Yet another psychological breakthrough!)

Anyway, I was straightening my hair the other day, and I got to that part of my hair and I tried to be extra careful.  But Beelzebub and Lucifer (my sister and my husband) were in rare form and distracted me, and I burned the elfin part of my ear off.  OFF.  It hurt so much I would rather have a baby come out sideways!  Oh, the humanity!

And all I could think of was how mad my sister was going to be at me.  She LOVES to torment me about that ear.  Hopefully, there will be lots of scar tissue or it will heal worse than it was before and she can still make fun of it.

A girl can pray.

In fact, we all can pray. What are you doing Thursday at about 7 p.m. EST?  What if everyone gets down on their knees and prays for my ear?  That would be so kind of you!  Thank you, in advance.

And if you're a member of one of those chanting religions, you can do it too.  I'm not making fun of your religion; I just don't know the name of it. Oh, hell, I am making fun of your religion.  Let's face it: I'm making fun of my own religion, so yours doesn't get a pass.  But at 7 p.m. EST on Thursday, if you could just repeatedly chant, "Melissa's ear, Melissa's ear,"  I'm sure that would be ever so helpful, and I'm sure all of you, chanters and non-chanters alike, will amass a boatload of heaven points.  I, on the other hand, have most assuredly guaranteed my way into hell with this post.

Oh, well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to get her ugly ear back.

6 comments:

  1. 7pm, Thursday, "Melissa's ear." Got it on my calendar.

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  2. Melissa! That's terrible! That's beyond terrible! Ouch! Damn! Shoot! (And lots of other 4 letter words too!)

    Okay, Honey, I'm not religious but I'm going to start chanting "Melissa's Ear" over and over at the prescribed time. I really hope it helps. I really think in this case you might just go to a plastic surgeon, but that's me. If it's prayers you want, fine, I'll pray, or chant rather. Alex's dad is a Medicine Man. Maybe he could throw in a blessing or something. Think nothing of it! Glad to help!

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  3. O.K.Cuz..Time for the Serenity Prayer!!!!!
    GOD GRANT ME THE THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE. THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN. AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE....Leave you dam ear alone! Let it heal and then you will have a normal ear! You're sister will find something else to rib you about...Maybe? Be blessed, Love you just Becuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..

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  4. That had to hurt like...well like 'some profanity'. I'll do my best. My daughter has elfin ears. I always assumed they are a special Gift!

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  5. Is that 7 p.m. Pacific time?

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  6. I recently saw a testimony about a spell caster of some sort in a blog I visit for relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having serious issues with my boyfriend and we had been dating for six months,he just suddenly changed,he was returning my calls,he started cheating,he was hurting me in so many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try it maybe out of desperation of some sort ..and I contacted them..At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable,their consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cos I heard read and heard lots of stories of fake spell casters,scams and i never really believed in magic..I played along with a little hope and and faith and I was sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a while new direction,it was and is amazing…I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day..I hope they could help other people too like they did me…I did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for my husband,my family and my life back their address is; templeoflive@gmail.com

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