So, Monday will be my first official day as a stay-at-home-mom.
I'm thrilled about it, but I'm not exactly sure how it happened. One minute Danny was the one staying at home, and then the next minute it was me. I do recall some hormonal churning and crying on my part while blubbering something like, "She's my last baby and I'm missing everything."
I've never done this before, so I've planned out our days together, and this is what I have so far:
I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to get out of bed before she does, take my Lexapro so no one gets killed, and make her something like eggs and toast and get her a glass of milk. Giving her a bowl full of sugar-infused cereal and telling her to get her own juice box doesn't cut it when you're a SAHM, right?
While she's eating, I think I'm supposed to get some meat out of the freezer for dinner and put it in a crock pot. Or let it thaw. Or do something with it.
Then I get her dressed, right? Wait, am I supposed to get dressed before breakfast? Or do I do it before the meat thing?
Sometime during the eating of the eggs and toast, I put in a load of laundry.
Then I clean something--like the refrigerator--while letting her watch something educational on television. Educational programming is okay, right?
After I put the load of laundry in the dryer, we go for a walk during which I point out how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. (I need to brush up on the wonders of nature by next week. I'm not really sure how any of that happens.)
Are we supposed to eat lunch on our walk and turn it into a picnic? Or do we have something nutritious at home after the walk? (Note to self: Learn about nutritious lunches ASAP!)
Then we do some craft project that involves popsicle sticks or gluing macaroni onto something. FYI, I am really screwed in this department. I need to buy LOTS of books about crafts because I HATE them. (But don't tell anyone that; I think you get stoned to death if you're a SAHM and you hate crafts!)
After the crafty stuff, I should make dinner, or stir what's in the crock pot, or something like that.
How am I doing so far?
Then Danny walks in the door and we all stand around him and sing, "I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home."
After the song, we sit down to a lovely dinner, during which Emerson will explain how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly.
I'm pretty sure that I clean up the dinner dishes while Danny and Emerson play lovingly in the living room.
Then it's bath time for Emerson.
Hold the presses! Why do I still stink? When am I supposed to take my shower? Is it during the eggs and toast? And if so, when is the laundry supposed to get washed?
Then it's bedtime for Emerson. I let her pick out a book and I read it to her while making funny voices for all the characters. I kiss her goodnight, and she says, "Thanks for a wonderful day, Mommy, and thanks for sacrificing your career for it."
Once she's asleep, I clean something else and go to bed, anxiously awaiting the next day when I get to do it all over again.
So, what am I really supposed to do all day?
And when am I supposed to blog?!!!!!
Seriously, people, I'm freaking out!!! I give this whole thing about 3 days, max.
Remember the name Emerson Dinsio. Someday you'll hear it again, and that time it will be associated with guns and clock towers.
And Matt Lauer will tell you it's all because her mother hated glitter glue.