Friday, June 3, 2011

Where Is The Craft Aisle?

So, Monday will be my first official day as a stay-at-home-mom. 

I'm thrilled about it, but I'm not exactly sure how it happened.  One minute Danny was the one staying at home, and then the next minute it was me.  I do recall some hormonal churning and crying on my part while blubbering something like, "She's my last baby and I'm missing everything."

I've never done this before, so I've planned out our days together, and this is what I have so far:

I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to get out of bed before she does, take my Lexapro so no one gets killed, and make her something like eggs and toast and get her a glass of milk.  Giving her a bowl full of sugar-infused cereal and telling her to get her own juice box doesn't cut it when you're a SAHM, right?

While she's eating, I think I'm supposed to get some meat out of the freezer for dinner and put it in a crock pot.  Or let it thaw. Or do something with it.

Then I get her dressed, right?  Wait, am I supposed to get dressed before breakfast?  Or do I do it before the meat thing?

Sometime during the eating of the eggs and toast, I put in a load of laundry.

Then I clean something--like the refrigerator--while letting her watch something educational on television.  Educational programming is okay, right?

After I put the load of laundry in the dryer, we go for a walk during which I point out how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly.  (I need to brush up on the wonders of nature by next week.  I'm not really sure how any of that happens.)

Are we supposed to eat lunch on our walk and turn it into a picnic?  Or do we have something nutritious at home after the walk?  (Note to self:  Learn about nutritious lunches ASAP!)

Then we do some craft project that involves popsicle sticks or gluing macaroni onto something. FYI, I am really screwed in this department.  I need to buy LOTS of books about crafts because I HATE them.  (But don't tell anyone that; I think you get stoned to death if you're a SAHM and you hate crafts!)

After the crafty stuff, I should make dinner, or stir what's in the crock pot, or something like that.

How am I doing so far?

Then Danny walks in the door and we all stand around him and sing, "I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home."

After the song, we sit down to a lovely dinner, during which Emerson will explain how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly.

I'm pretty sure that I clean up the dinner dishes while Danny and Emerson play lovingly in the living room.

Then it's bath time for Emerson.

Hold the presses!  Why do I still stink?  When am I supposed to take my shower?  Is it during the eggs and toast?  And if so, when is the laundry supposed to get washed?

Then it's bedtime for Emerson.  I let her pick out a book and I read it to her while making funny voices for all the characters.  I kiss her goodnight, and she says, "Thanks for a wonderful day, Mommy, and thanks for sacrificing your career for it."

Once she's asleep, I clean something else and go to bed, anxiously awaiting the next day when I get to do it all over again.

So, what am I really supposed to do all day?

And when am I supposed to blog?!!!!!

Seriously, people, I'm freaking out!!!  I give this whole thing about 3 days, max.

Remember the name Emerson Dinsio.  Someday you'll hear it again, and that time it will be associated with guns and clock towers.

And Matt Lauer will tell you it's all because her mother hated glitter glue.


  1. Well Cuz, first of all, you already know how to be a good mother without all of that other stuff that people think is the normal thing for all mons to do.
    Secondly, you must work for your own mental sanity!
    Third, I don't think it will or can last for three days...Sit down relax, have a pepsi, take a pill and chill out!
    Stay at home mom? Not for you Missy....Sorry it will drive you to the nut house.
    Emerson will not know who you are.. It may just make her a little crazy watching you too...Re-think this whole thing..I pray you are only kidding.... Be Blessed, love you just becuz....

  2. you'll get your rhythm. we don't do crafts. I like them, but too much to share with my 2 year old. seriously. we only do crafts 1x/month at the library. when someone else gets to clean up.

    I have a huge pad of paper on the coffee table with safe crayons (read:washable) and I sometimes draw something for her or draw a letter and explain it to her, etc. It depends on the age of your kid, but we deal with things as they come up. I don't ever plan things out. we do a lot of free play while mommy internets. love my laptop! I break for stories and snacks. occasionally I get a box of fruity cheerios and my daughter eats them every day until they are gone. other times, she eats bacon and eggs or yogurt and cheerios. seriously, there are no 'right' and 'wrongs' and no 'rules'. Since my kid is 2, half the time, she showers with me, and the other half, I either do it before she gets up, or she sits and reads a magazine or watches educational tv or music television (not MTV, though, CMT)... while I shower. Kids love to help and/or watch. no biggie. take things slow.

  3. I give you a month and you will be plotting ways to work at home.

  4. Let's see, I remember staying home with a little one. Getting dressed at all isn't mandatory unless it's grocery store day. And shower? What is this thing...'shower'?

  5. Oh, congrats on the "free" time to be with your baby! I'm a big proponent of moms staying home with their young kids as long as possible. It's one of the reasons why I can't have children (yet). I can't afford to stay home with them (yet). I'm sure you'll find your own rhythm and schedule within a month or two. Do shower if possible :)

    Have a great weekend!

  6. LOL! Lucky girl! I would love to stay at home! You'll settle into a routine and it will be great! Good Luck!

  7. I was never home with my kids, thanks be to God. If I had been, they would probably be dead now. I actually hate the little no-neck monsters and I could only tolerate them after a full 10 hours out of the house working and on weekends. Both kids turned out fine. I still hate them, but they don't know that.

  8. Oh, honey!

    This is all you need to know:

    Just read it and everah thang will be just ducky!

  9. This made me laugh. Hard.

    I'm not sure the PTA is ready for you, hon.

    (They'd be lucky to get you. But I'm not sure they're ready...)

  10. Ah, you'll figure it out as you go, I'm sure. And there's no need to be June Cleaver.