Okay, it's time to report back to you about my first week as a sahm.
I have nothing. Zero. Zip.
This was Emerson's last week of school, so I gave her cold cereal for breakfast while in my pajamas, and I didn't have to teach her the wonders of the universe over noon-time lunches, and most nights I fell asleep before she did. One day I even stayed in my pajamas all day!
So I guess I failed. Surprised?
Well, I did have one MAJOR Pass that my brain turned into a FAIL.
I managed to dodge the PTA all week! They wanted me to chaperone a field trip at the zoo, but, darn, I had a doctor's appointment that day.
They wanted me to help out with Field Day, but I had company coming in from out of town.
They wanted me to help with lunch duty, but I had an appointment to take my car into the shop at that precise time!
Can you believe the coincidences?
I just plain wasn't doing any of that. There was a torrential downpour at the zoo and, well...it kinda smells like animals at the zoo. Out!
I hated Field Day back when I was a participant, and I can't even imagine what it would be like to re-live that experience. I would probably suffer PTSD and go kill my old gym teacher, Mr. Austin.
And the cafeteria thing--no way! The cafeteria lady scares me. All cafeteria ladies are mean, and this one does nothing but yell, even at the parent helpers. No way, no how was that happening! I had enough of the cafeteria lady when I was in school! These kids are on their own with her!
I was feeling smug and quite proud of my accomplishments until I realized whom I was dealing with: I WAS MESSING WITH THE P FRIGGIN' T FRIGGIN' A!!!!!!!
Now I'm scared.
Aren't the PTA moms trained by the Mafia, or don't they go to one of those guerrilla warfare camps or something? I think they try to hide it, but I've heard rumors. If you get one of them mad, you've had it. You end up wearing the cement shoes. The "dues" are actually payment to keep them from breaking your legs if you say no.
And I said no THREE TIMES in one week!
I know I'm waking up tomorrow morning with my cat's head in my bed.