"Jennifer's having a baby!"
That's what I told the entire fourth grade class about my best friend. I wasn't being mean; I really believed she was with child.
The whole thing started with an "After School Special" called, "My Mom's Having a Baby".
Oh wow. The entire school was waiting with baited breath for this one. It was actually going to talk about the most taboo subject in our lives: how a woman gets a baby inside of her. Rumor had it that it was going to talk about sex, too!
Some unfortunate kids, Jennifer included, weren't allowed to watch the show. Not us. My mother, who dreaded this subject like an unwanted pregnancy, told my sister and me we had to watch it. No problem, Mom!
So the eagerly awaited show finally aired. Wow! It did not disappoint! The pregnant mom had her doctor tell her son and his friends how the baby got inside her. My eyes and ears were glued to our console television set.
Which is what really makes it mystifying that I missed the whole sex part.
At school the next day, the kids who got to see the show were the cool kids for a day, and the ones who didn't get to see it were begging us for info. Poor Jennifer asked me, and I told her all about kissing and getting pregnant.
Tears welled up in Jennifer's eyes. She told me that her father kissed her goodnight the evening before. I told her, very calmly and quite matter-of-fact-ly, "Oh, well, then, you got pregnant by your father."
She started bawling. Everyone wanted to know what was wrong. I protected her and told them to leave her alone because she's upset that her dad got her pregnant. I was such a good friend to her.
Well, you can imagine the snowball effect. In about 2.5 minutes Jennifer was in the guidance counselor's office. In about 2.5 minutes after that, I was in there with her. We both lived close to the school, so I would say that it only took about 4.5 minutes for both of our mothers to join us.
My mother acted mad in the guidance counselor's office, but she laughed once we got in the car together.
The next day, a Saturday, my mother handed me a four-volume set of books called, "The Life Cycle Library" and said, "Read these before you go back to school."
I obliged, eagerly.
I think I have it all figured out now.
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