Friday, May 27, 2011

Hell

I came face to face with the devil.

I always believed that Satan and his minions were all around us and could take any form they wished to entice us to do evil. I always believed it, but I never thought I would be a victim.  I have a new opinion after my plane trip to Sin City.

Beelzebub and his sons of darkness were definitely on my plane with me.  No doubt about it.  They took the form of two children, their mother, and a flight attendant.  (And I'm pretty sure one was disguised as a TSA agent, but I didn't spend enough time with him to be certain.)

I had the window seat, my two daughters were next to me, and Danny was across the aisle from us.  Two innocent looking children and their mother sat in the row directly behind us. 

In all the confusion that was going on when you board a plane, I went to take my medication and accidentally took three Ambien because I didn't bother to read the bottle before I opened it.  Half a second later when I realized my mistake, I naturally assumed that I would spend the five hour plane ride in peaceful slumber.  But, ohhhhh no, the devil wasn't having any of that.

It started before we even took off.  The "kids" were screaming at each other about whose toy, game, book, and anything else you can think of was whose, and the screaming lasted the for five hours.  I "kid" you not; I endured five hours of their screaming, and heard not a single "shush" or other word of reprimand from the "mother".

Maybe I could've handled that, but they were pushing me over the edge when they started kicking the back of my seat.  That went on for three hours before I snapped.

I broke when the toys came flying over my seat and onto my lap.  I grabbed one of the toys, turned around, and whipped it as hard as I could at the "kid's" chest.

Okay, I know that sounds really bad from a forty-two year old woman, but this wasn't a child.  Remember, I was dealing with the destroyer of all humankind.

The enemies had me so frazzled that I started yelling at my own kids for no reason.  Danny, who was three seats and an aisle away from me, asked, "What is wrong with you?"

I answered as loudly as I could,  "Satan's spawn is sitting right behind me!!"  Still, no reaction from the mother.

I needed just a few minutes away from all of this to regroup, so I stood up to go to the restroom.  That's when the "flight attendant" told me that there were too many people in line and I had to sit down.  I started to tell her of my plight with the devil, but then I looked into her eyes and I knew she was another one of "them."

People, I have been to hell and back.  I have actually seen hell. 

And let me tell you, lakes of fire and brimstone will be a walk in the park for me.

6 comments:

  1. Glad you enjoyed your flight! Now enjoy the wedding, and your time with your sister...Be Blessed...

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  2. Danny really needed to switch seats with you, Melissa! Thank goodness you overdosed on Ambien or this might have ended very badly! (Okay, it was pretty bad, but you jailed would have been worse, what with the wedding coming up and such.) What was wrong with that mother? Why do dumb people breed at all?

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  3. WHAT The? you took three ambien, half of one knocks me on my arse. What a waste of good meds :)

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  4. I have no patience for children that are out of hand in anyway. I am told, and do not understand for the life of me that the parents of children like that "block them out" that is why the children carry on like they do. Isnt it something that under certain situations when I find myself being the only one that cannot handle the turmoil around me I have actually gotten to the point where I think it is just me....It seems as if no one else is bothered by these children that are out of hand. Is it me?????

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  5. Oh my gosh.

    Honey, I can't stop laughing.

    Mainly because I can see this with perfect clarity and I know it is no exaggeration.

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  6. WHY oh WHY do parents not control their children?? It beats me - I can feel your anger - I've experienced it before! And as an ex-teacher, cannot understand why parents feel its ok to let their "angels" make experiences unpleasant for others! Sorry you had to go through that girlfriend! I do hope your sister's wedding makes up for it!

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