Saturday, April 2, 2011

A Crazy Lady And A Baby

I guess it's because I'm infertile, but I get an extra strong tug at my heartstrings whenever I see a newborn.

I guess it's because I have a memory that the tug is a quick one.

My last baby was born when I was 35, and I certainly was not prepared for it, although I thought I was.  When I had my first child 11 years earlier, everything was breezy and blissful.  I didn't have an ache or pain, I only gained 12 pounds, and those first few weeks at home with her were exhilerating.

I figured things would be the same with the next baby.WRONG!!!

Every single thing was different with my last baby.  I swear, from the moment of conception, my back hurt, I puked in every toilet in town, my feet were swollen, I couldn't breathe, I got rashes on my neck and face, and I didn't sleep more than an hour total for nine months.

And I gained 55 pounds!!! 

And the hormones!  Oh, the hormones!  I went to Babies R Us to buy a carseat, whereupon I found out that they didn't sell carseats anymore.  They sold "travel systems" with the stroller and the carseat combined. WTH?

I bought the floor model because it was the only one not plaid and I hate plaid.  So I rolled it out to my car and the real fun started:  I had no idea how to get it into the car!!!

I pushed every button I could find to get the thing apart; I tried ripping it apart; and then I tried putting the whole, ginormous thing in my car just the way it was.  Nothing worked, so I did the only thing a 35 year-old, nine-months pregnant woman in this situation could do:

I threw my body up against my car and wailed.  Rather loudly, as I recall.

Finally, a young boy who worked for Babies R Us came up to me and said, "Ma'am, are you alright?"

You should've seen the look on this kid's face when I blathered through my tears, "No, I'm not alright!  Everyone was right when they said I was too old to have a baby!  I should have listened to them!  Everything is swollen, I'm gaining a pound a day and I can't get this damn thing into my car!"

I'm sure it was partially because he worked at the store and partially because he didn't want to see me kill myself right in front of him, but he took the "travel system" apart, folded it up, and put it in my car for me.  Bless his heart, whatever his motivation.

Then the baby came and the hormones really kicked in.

People, I never believed it before, but post-partum depression is real.  That shiznit will put you right out of your mind.   I didn't want to harm my children, but I told my doctor, "Listen, you have to put me on something or I AM TELLING YOU, either Danny or I will DIE!"  (Incidentally, while I was in the doctor's waiting room, I was bawling my eyes out at the soap opera I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE that was on his t.v.)

(I didn't pull the Marie Osmond and leave my kids and drive off to a hotel room in California, but I TOTALLY get that now!)

So, after a few weeks on Prozac, everything was fine again.

Now that I remember all that, I think my infertility is a good thing, because I don't think a strong enough drug has been made for me to have a baby in my 40's.


  1. LOL, love this. Although, I am one of the crazy ones to have a baby at 42 years old. I can relate to most of what you have typed. I can say though I would have been much happier to do this at 35 versus 42. lol Oh and the post-partum is horrible at 42. Then again it doesn't make it any bit easier being a single mom who has lost her joy due to company down-sizing. Ugh. Debi M

  2. I always said that I had kids so that I could be a Grandma. Just you wait because that is the greatest reward on earth for being a mom! All the sweetness and beauty and emotion with no hormone issues and as much sleep as you need!!! It's worth all that came before!

  3. oooh! what a sad sight you must have been in that parking lot!? PPD is definitely real. Gross. I found that out first hand right about the time Tom Cruise was publicly doubting the reality of PPD. I'd pop my pills in the morning and think, "You have NO idea, Tom. Moron." Or, more colorful than that, but same message.

    Sweet as newborns are, i'm kinda glad i'm not in that phase anymore. and not just because of the ppd. but i'd love to snuggle any nearby newborns that I don't first have to gestate!

  4. Even the thought of having a baby depresses the shit out of me. I really thought a maternal instinct or desire would have kicked in by now, but at 31 it still hasn't. I think it's safe to say at this point that it won't.

  5. I had my second baby at 24. And I was nutty as a fruitcake during the whole pregnancy. I had been fine with the first baby 3 years earlier. I'm sort of infertile now (at least at 65 I hope I am), but I still get gooey when I see a newborn. Not that I want one, but they are pretty cute, in fact, almost as cute as puppies and kittens.

  6. You know what I am certain there has not been a strong enough dose made for me to go through that again in my 40's. I'm waiting on grandchildren.

  7. My first baby wasn't too bad. I gained a lot of weight that I never lost again afterword, but I wasn't too nauseous, could tolerate the swelling, and survived the birth. Yet, when it came time to have a second, I had lost all enthusiasm. No way I'll go for a third.

  8. Here in Australia we call it Post Natal Depression of PND. It's real alright. And so it Ante-Natal Depression. Having had four babies in four years I can testify to the nightmare of having both at once. You were very sensible to ask our doctor for some help!

    Oh, and by the way, I don't think you have to be pregnant & hormonal to be brought to tears by those awful travel systems which need a specialized computer geek to work out how to put them up and down. Were you able to put it back together again once you got home?

  9. Of course it's real. Good you sought help.

    I can't imagine having a baby at this point in my life, although I did get pregnant accidentally at 47 and miscarried. I think there's a reason why typically have babies in our 20's and 30's.

  10. I had my first at 24, and my third (oops) at 35. I TOTALLY understand. Now my 2nd grader has a big sister in the Army.

  11. I remember more than one breakdown like the one in the parking lot. And I bet it was with the baby I had at 35 too!! Great to read you today on the trdc linkup.

  12. Dude. Can I just tell you I love you so freakin HARD right now?!

    Seriously. Hard. You're awesome.

  13. Okay.. I'm behind on my reading so I just told you that the one I read before scared me from having children... never mind that. THIS is scarier!

    My husband and I do not want children but once in a while I think about it. I'm giving myself until 40 years old to have a child. But now...

  14. Oh Honey!! PPD is way more prevelent that people like to let on. Those days of "Pickles and Peanut Butter" never really quite covered all the hormonal changes an what they could do to an otherwise normal lady! Thanks for sharing- and know that you are not alone in feeling like that... and that it DOES get better!!