Thursday, April 28, 2011

Bewitched or Bebitched?

My house is an absolute, heaven-forsaken mess.  We all have been sick and nothing has gotten done.  To all those that hate me:  Now is a good time to call Childrens' Services on me.  My kids will be taken away for sure.

I was just sitting here thinking that I wish I could just twitch my nose and it would all be clean.  Then I started thinking about "Bewitched".  I watched it because it was the only thing besides the "Money Movie" (and what kid wants to watch a 20 year-old non-Disney movie?) , that was on at 4:30 after school.

(Plus, it was on after "Gilligan's Island" and everyone knows that was the best kid show EVER!!!  I am Ginger, btw, and I had a huge crush on the Professor.)

Anyway, back to "Bewitched".  That show always bothered me, and I never knew why.  Now, after ruminating a few minutes on it, I think I know some of the reasons:

1. Jealousy.  Soooo my style. I wanted to be able to twitch my nose and be done with school and have my room clean and have all the cool clothes I wanted.

2.  Darrin (both the cute one and the ugly one) and Samantha were both idiots. He was an idiot for making her conform to his lifestyle, and she was an idiot for doing it.  I would have told him to shove his mortality where the Sun don't shine.  (Well, maybe...I don't recall that Darrin ever had an affair and Samantha kept him around.  Or maybe he did, and she just had the good sense, which I obviously don't have, to keep her private life private.)

3.  Darrin wasn't just an idiot, he was THE BIGGEST IDIOT ON EARTH!!!  Who wouldn't want to be married to someone who could twitch her nose and make you the owner and CEO of the Stephens Advertsing Agency, give you gazillions of dollars, and give you everything else you could ever dream of, monetarily and otherwise?  But nooooo...Darrin had to do it the sucky mortal way and let Larry Tate walk all over him. Jackass.

4.  Could sweet Aunt Clara possibly ever have arrived in some way other than destroying the hall closet or ending up on the roof?  Really? 

Sure, it was entertaining, but why were ALL the women so weak, and/or stereotypically bitchy?

Take Serena, for example.  She was the stereotypical bitchy, slutty hippy trying to get her cousin's lame husband. WTH??  She knew he was an idiot and Serena only wanted him because Samantha had him.  Bitch. Slut.

And we can't forget Endora.  Could there be a better example of the stereotypical bitchy mother-in-law?  NEWSFLASH:  NOT ALL MOTHERS-IN-LAW ARE BITCHES.  Or so I've heard.  My mother-in-law happens to make Endora look like bumbling Aunt Clara, but I've heard stories of great mothers-in-law.

And what about silly Mrs. Kravitz spying on the neighbors (and she was ALWAYS right, btw, but her husband always made excuses for her and took her home), or Darrin's mother and her "sick headaches"?  Weak and weaker.

Aunt Hagatha and Aunt Enchantra were bitches too.  Don't ask me for any examples; just trust me on that one.

So there you have it:  I couldn't stand "Bewitched" because I was an eight year-old feminist.

DAMN!  I just twitched my nose and the house is STILL a mess!  Not being Samantha (sans idiocy) really sucks!


  1. HA! I will be smiling all day, thankyouverymuch!

  2. Bewitched was so not my favorite show just for the reasons you cite. My favorite character was Endora though. I am very much like her in real life! (Except that I am the best MIL alive!)

  3. I want to comment, but I got nothing. I never watched Bewitched.

  4. I liked Bewitched but I was too young to realize how f'd up it was. Watching it now really annoys me, and if it were present time "Bebitched" she would be doing everything with her nose while she wrote witty and smartly written blog posts like you.

  5. All of the dumb asses on Bewitched were funny in their own way...I liked the show because it was so un-real but more so because as you say, i wanted to twitch my nose and make my father pay child support.Also so I didn't have to work so hard doing things to help my mother and family so they could work..
    I hate cleaning house..Glad someone else does mine now that i am really not able to yet..Be blessed, Love you Just Becuz...