So, I was reading some public safety article that said it's estimated that the use of seat belts saves 17,000 lives per year.
My anti-depressants save at least that many lives.
Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying people shouldn't wear seat belts. My sister, I'll call her Ebbie-day, for the sake of anonymity, got her face ripped off in a car accident because she wasn't wearing a seat belt (and she still doesn't--idiot), and a good friend of mine lost two siblings who weren't wearing seat belts in car accidents. Personally, I won't ride in a car without wearing a seat belt.
And I won't go a day without taking my anti-depressants.
So, seat belts are good. All I'm saying is that my anti-depressants are good too.
Do the math: 17,000 people per year divided by 365 days a year equals 46.575 people per day.
My anti-depressants save 46.575 people in my life every day. Without a doubt!
My typical day starts off with my mother coming upstairs from her bedroom and waking me up. She's making these strange noises constantly now and it drives me crazy!!!! But I don't kill her. One life saved by anti-depressants, and it isn't even 6 a.m.
Then my 17 year-old gets up, doesn't even say, "Good morning," and starts on me because I haven't planned her graduation party and I haven't filled out her FAFSA for college, and I didn't give her all the checks she needs for her various activities, etc, etc. And yet, I let her live.
Then I get to work, unlock my office door and see tons of pieces of paper under my door, most of which are anonymous (they think) complaints about me. When I pick up the hate letters, I notice that my office STILL isn't vacuumed. And STILL, no one has even told me where the vacuum is so I can do it myself. But I let all those people live.
Then the work day really starts. The call-offs start flooding in, and I have to get on the phone and call forty-two people who don't answer the phone--EVER--to cover the call-offs.
Throughout this daily debacle, employees come into my office and complain about each other over the most asinine things you've ever heard. I want to tell them to just fight it out and the winner is the last one conscious, but I don't. I run around and try to solve their problems.
Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live.
And it isn't even noon.
So, I am thrilled to death that I am on anti-depressants, and the rest of the world should be thrilled I am too.
In fact, I'm not really so sure why people are ashamed to be on anti-depressants. They just help the brain balance out the chemicals in your body, just like if your pancreas didn't produce enough insulin (or whatever organ produces insulin--I don't research this stuff, people; I just write what comes into my head). You wouldn't be ashamed if you were on insulin, would you?
(Legal disclaimer, because I AM an attorney: Don't try this shiznit on your own!! Anti-depressants can be dangerous in some situations, so don't buy the fake stuff (or the real stuff) on the Internet and don't try your friend's Zoloft. Go to the doctor and see what he or she says. I don't want your family suing me when you jump off a bridge.)
So, let's burn our bras or jock straps, come out of the closet, and rip the doors off our medicine cabinets to help get rid of the stigma associated with anti-depressant use!
My anti-depressant of choice is the Lexapro/Abilify cocktail.