I suppose the next step is for me to spew bloody mucous from my mouth or any other orifice, for that matter.
My potentially terminal illness started out as a cough and some sinus drainage. That was enough to bother me because I watch A LOT of "House", so I know it's not that simple. My disease/disorder has to be something more sinister.
Then a couple nights ago I rolled over and it felt like the room was spinning; not that I was spinning, but that the room was spinning. (I haven't had even a single drink in years, so perish that thought!) I went back to sleep.
That morning when it was time to get up, I put my hand on the doorknob and the room was spinning again. I fell over and hit my head on the bedroom closet. I now have a giant goose-egg on my forehead, and I'm positive I have a concussion.
In the process of getting the kids ready, I couldn't walk a straight line down the hallway. Everything was spinning and I kept bouncing off the walls, literally.
Then Danny said something to me, I said it back to him, and he said I repeated it wrong. This is really just an aside because I'm convinced he said it wrong to begin with.
So what's wrong with me?
I know I need an MRI and a CT scan. House would definitely do that. And a lumbar puncture. House loves those. Oh, and he would send his team to break into my house to find environmental toxins. I better finish this post in a hurry and start cleaning.
He would probably find that I was supposed to be a twin and my twin attached itself to my brain and is causing my symptoms. In that case, I'll be fine.
Or, once he hears that my sister died of brain cancer, he'd decide I have a brain tumor. Maybe operable, maybe not. That's when Wilson would come in and say there's some other type of cancer, probably lymphoma.
Then I would remember to tell House that my father has Guillain-Barre Syndrome. He would yell at me for being stupid, do yet another lumbar puncture, and treat me for the neurological disorder I have.
Or I need a liver, kidney, or bone marrow transplant. I would have tons of donors because everybody likes me, remember?
Or it could be a scratch that I got on my body and it went septic. In that case, I'm a goner because House would miss the sepsis and treat me with something to prevent my body from fighting it off.
I do know one thing for sure: It's definitely not a sinus infection accompanied by an ear infection that is throwing off my equilibrium.
Way, way too boring.