Okay, you guys know I tell you everything, right? And you know I make a fool out of myself all the time and don't care, right?
So today I heard someone close to me say something really, really stupid, and that caused me to think of the dumbest thing I've ever said. There have been so very many, but I managed to narrow it down to three.
(Saying "I love you" to numerous complete idiots over forty-two years doesn't count--mainly because I can't remember them all, and I would never be able to decide which was the biggest idiot.)
The first was when I was in a political science class in college. The professor kept referring to a President Andrew Johnson. He said "President Andrew Johnson" over and over again during the class, and every time he did, I giggled. How stupid could he be? And the more I giggled, the more people in the class turned and looked at me with that "WTH?" look on their faces. Obviously, they knew what an idiot he was too!
Finally, the professor looked at me and said, "Melissa, what is so funny?"
As politely as I could, because I didn't want to embarrass the poor guy, I said--and I swear this is true--"I'm sorry, but I think you're a bit confused: it's Andrew Jackson and Lyndon Johnson, not Andrew Johnson."
As the room exploded with laughter, the professor rolled his eyes, took a deep breath, and simply asked, "What high school did you go to?"
Well, I went to a very respectable high school, thankyouverymuch, and I even skipped a year (which was probably when everyone else was learning about President Andrew Johnson).
Really? Andrew Johnson? Who knew?
At least that wasn't memorialized on tape as was one of the other stupid things I said.
I was eight months pregnant and it appeared that my baby hadn't grown from the last month, so I had to have an ultrasound. I took my VHS tape so I could record my precious baby, but I was a mess from all the worrying.
The technician started the ultrasound and a few seconds later, she announced, "Well, I see ten fingers and ten toes."
That was all I could take. I started sobbing and screamed, "Oh my gosh! How many is she supposed to have?"
As long as I live, I will never forget the mystified look on that poor woman's face.
And finally, I really do mean it when I tell everyone that I LOVE CHARLIE SHEEN!
Now it's your turn. C'mon and spill the dumbest thing you've ever said. Won't you please help a sistah feel not so alone?