Saturday, March 7, 2009

Something So Stupid I Should Never, Ever Tell Anyone

I am an idiot savant. At least that's what my friends at law school always said.

It's true. I'm a very intelligent person--really, I am--but then I do some of the dumbest things ever known to mankind.

And the worst part of it (or the best part, depending on your perspective) is that I always tell on myself. I tell all the moronic things I do and laugh right along with everyone else who is laughing at my stupidity. I'm not really sure why I tell on myself. Some people say it's because I am a really secure person with a great sense of humor. Others say it's because I don't have enough damn sense to keep my mouth shut.

Whatever the reason I tell everyone about my idiocy, I'm about to do it again right now.

Okay, last week I received an email from another attorney, Elyse, with an attached document that was about 26 pages long. The note she sent along with it said, "Sorry, I scanned this upside down."

Sorry, I scanned this upside down. She wrote it like it was some little insignificant tidbit.

I scanned this upside down. Was she kidding me?! Upside down?

How was I supposed to read it? I was so frustrated, I considered not even reading the thing, but it was a pretty important document, and it involved me, personally.

Well, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, right?

So I turned my computer monitor upside down and started reading.

That's right, I turned the monitor upside down.

In all honesty, it worked just fine--until I got to the bottom of the first page and realized that I had to put the monitor down and scroll on the keyboard to get to the next page.

Then I had to hoist up that monitor and turn it upside down again.

Over and over again.

Page 3: This d@mn thing doesn't look like it, but it's actually pretty heavy!

Page 7: I'm so sick of putting this thing down and lifting it up again just to get to the next page! And my arms are really starting to hurt!

Page11: Jeez, Elyse, would it have killed you to take 30 seconds and scan this the right way?

Page 13: I can't believe how effin inconsiderate Elyse is! I am really gonna rip her a new one about this!

Page 16: That stupid d@mn Elyse! She doesn't care about anyone but herself!

Page 18: I hate you, you f***ing b*tch!

Page 21: Screw you, you f***ing wh*re, Elyse! I give up on your dumb @ss and your stupid document! I hope you burn in h*ll!!!!

(Just so we're all clear here, when I was thinking all this, I was thinking the REAL nasty words, and NOT the sugar-coated words with symbols that make me think I'm not really swearing.)

I was still flaming mad an hour later when I told a friend about what Elyse's arrogance and inconsideration caused me to do: Elyse...upside down...hoist up...scroll up...b*tch!

My friend stood there with her mouth hanging open as I told my story. Finally (I think when she accepted that I wasn't making up any of it), she regained the power of speech and said,

"A$$hole, why didn't you just use the rotate button?"

What??? There's a rotate button?

She had to be lying! Why didn't I know about this "rotate button" contraption? If such a device did exist, why would it be such a closely-guarded secret?

So I opened the document, left my monitor rightside up, and saw two semi-circular arrows at the top of the screen.

I clicked on them, and guess what happened?

(Sit down for this...)

My document turned rightside up!!

A rotate button!

Who knew?


  1. Oh my gosh. That is hilarious!! And even funnier that you can admit it.

  2. Thank you for sharing this. You have NO IDEA how much I needed a laugh this morning...

  3. you know you can also print the document and read it on paper...

    LOL thanks for sharing that!!!:)

  4. TL,


    I guess I did know about the whole printing concept, but that option never occurred to me!


  5. That's SO funny! Thanks for sharing! It's in moments like those that I wish the Esc(ape) button had much greater powers.

  6. LOL>..are you serious? OH MY are SOOOO luck me! We would totally be BFF's in real life! lol!

    I loved that...thanks!

  7. Hahahaha! I LOVE it! My team wanted to know why I was giggling so much! The first thing that came to my mind was the printing object - rotate? Never!! LOL!

  8. Oh my. I would laugh AT you, but I'll stick with laughing WITH you because this is totally something I would do. Too funny!

  9. Hahahahahaha!! You could also have turned it around with a left-handed monkey wrench! You got one of those? Not just ANY monkey wrench. IT MUST BE LEFTY!1!

    Hah! Blogger thinks your "d@mn" is an e-mail address! It does that with any word you imbed an at-sign in (but NOT if you start a word with an at-sign, the way you did with @ss, which blogger did not make into a mail hotlink).

    You can fix that in the html interface, sister.



  10. I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything, it hurts when it comes out through the nose.

    Thanks for the laugh.

  11. Ok, that's awesome. Thank you, I needed that tonight. :) Have you ever tried hitting Control+Alt+ the down arrow on your computer? On some computers, the whole screen will turn upside down. It's way cool. Then to turn it back, you hit Control+Alt+ the up arrow. Try it. It's at least five minutes worth of entertainment. :)

  12. I discovered your blog today from a post you left on the Mayo Clinic website in January about caregiving. One minute I was bawling my eyes out, the next I was hysterical. Thanks you for rescuing me from such morose quicksand.

    I haven't touched my blog in three years, but was thinking I should get back to it and shake out some of the sadness and humor I feel on a daily basis. My mom is 60 and diagnosed with early onset AD. I'm 35 and mis-diagnosed as sane. We're both single. I'm looking for a husband, preferably for her, if you know anyone.

    Thanks for brightening my day, and for inspiring me to write more and laugh more.


  13. Yeah. I've had calls from people like you, with similar issues. I've had people get angry with me, when I explain how to fix their 'problem', because they can't believe such a 'horrible complex problem that is ending their world' could be solved so simply. As simply as a rotate button. rock on.

  14. Ahh, that was funny. Thanks so much for sharing. :D

  15. I don’t know If I said it already but …I’m so glad I found this site…Keep up the good work I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say great blog. Thanks!


    Visiting from the Red Dress Linkup. Great post!

  17. Heh. We could be twin sisters. :)