I think it already has been firmly established that I am quite immature, and now that I'm not constrained by Sue's cleanliness, I can talk about something that really amuses me.
So here goes: I will fall in the floor laughing until tears are rolling down my face at any name that can have a sexual implication or is "dirty" sounding in any way. There, I've said it, and I AM NOT ASHAMED (although I'm well aware that I should be.)
And this is something that everyone knows about me. Racitay (she values her anonymity so I have disguised her name), a good friend of mine with whom I work, occasionally warns me of the names of some of our clients in hopes that I will refrain from hysterical public laughter. "Okay, Melissa, we have a Johnson and a Ball today. Can you handle it?"
"Uh...no, shouldn't there be two Balls with the Johnson?" And then I giggle and giggle and giggle, just like I'm a teenager.
Actually, I'm probably more immature than a teenager because my fifteen year-old daughter gets absolutely disgusted by this behavior of mine. She can't stand it that I have to practice before I call the pediatrician's office and say the doctor's name. I am not kidding you here; there is no way I could ever call and say,"I'd like to make an appointment with Dr. Cox," without fits of laughter if I didn't practice it first. Whenever my daughter witnesses this event, she gets that I-so-can't-believe-this-is-my-mother-look on her face and says, "God, Mom, how old ARE you?" as she stomps away from me.
I once had a friend whose last name was Seaman and he suffered relentless torture every day of his life (not from me...I have enough couth to make fun of someone's name behind his back) because of that name. Why, I ask you, would anyone give that name to a child? If that is your last name and you somehow manage to carry on through life with that name, then for the love of all that is holy, have the decency not to procreate!! Or at least give the child some other last name. Really, isn't that just the right thing to do?
Listen to this one. I knew a girl whose last name was Simon, but her parents chose to pronounce it "Seaman."
What??? Now that's just child abuse. If your name is spelled Simon and you have a daughter, pronounce it the common way, let some junior high student make up a limerick rhyming it with the body part associated with virginity (I'm trying to be classy in my posts), and let her move on with her life.
Jeez, I don't know what ever happened to the Simon/Seaman girl, but it wouldn't surprise me if she married the first man she ever dated, even someone named Cox or Ball, just to get rid of that name.
And I won't even get started on people who name their sons Dick.
Now before you go off thinking that it's terrible of me to be so cruel and immature about someone's name, just know that I have EARNED the right to make fun of someone's name.
My mother always said that before she named me Melissa, she made sure it was a name from which no nasty nickname could be derived. That was very important to her.
Oh, really, Mom?
Did it never cross your mind, Mom, that "Melissa" might become "Missy"...
and that "Missy" might become "MISSY PISSY" for at least forty consecutive years????