We were filling out our 4 year-old's pre-school entrance forms and we got to the question, "Does your child have any behaviors that we should know about?" Our eyes met and the heaviness of the air was palpable as we contemplated our response.
Finally, I said it: "Should we tell them that she likes to say 'v*gina'--a lot, and really loud?"
My husband made the decision for us: "No, let them find out on their own."
And find out on their own, they most definitely will. No doubt about that.
'V*gina' has become her favorite word and she uses it indiscriminately, to the sheer mortification of her parents.
Consider what happened on observation day at gymnastics class. Forty or so nice, respectable parents were lined up against the walls gleefully watching their precious angels perform, when all of the sudden, my little darling shouted at the top of her lungs to me from the exact opposite corner of the room, "ALL OF THESE EXERCISES ARE REALLY MAKING MY V*GINA HURT!!!"
For a few seconds I tried to pretend she wasn't my child, but then I remembered that most of those people saw me walk in with her (because we were late--my husband always makes us late--darn him for making us late--I maybe could've salvaged some dignity if he hadn't made us late).
Doesn't she just look like she's in pain?
Then there was the time at softball practice when she was standing next to my husband as he was talking to the other coaches. One of them unwittingly asked her, "And how are you today?" She proudly explained, "I know the rules for touching v*ginas. No one should ever, ever touch your v*gina, but you can touch your own v*gina, but only in private."
But my absolute favorite was when we were in Sacrament meeting (for the non-Mormons, that's the regular church service) and she literally yelled, "I NEED A DRINK OF WATER BECAUSE MY V*GINA HURTS!" Oh! My! Gosh! All those kids who scream and run around and throw Cheerios during church are nothing compared to my kid! You really can't imagine the courage that it takes for us to show up there every Sunday after that!
And, of course, all of it is MY fault because I "taught her that word in the first place!"
Should I just have taught her "pee-pee" instead?