Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Last Ten Minutes Of My Life

My bedroom doubles as my office. (OK, that sounds really bad. I'm not in THAT kind of business, for those of you with dirty minds. Or was I the only one with a dirty mind?)

Allow me to explain: I prop myself up on my bed with two pillows behind my back, rest my laptop on my Indian-style (should that be Native-American--I can't keep up with the PC anymore) folded legs, and develop what will undoubtedly become a finalist in the 2009 Weblog Awards. (Cjane is running scared. She's a cool one, though. She plays it off like she's all concerned about Autoblog when really it's the thought of ol' Grady next year that's keeping her awake nights.)

And I do this without bothering anybody; I completely mind my own business while I work.

So, why, for the love of all that is holy, does everyone have to bring their issues into my office???

Husband (talking to Daughter who is inexplicably in my bedroom): "Why is shampoo on your shopping list?"

Daughter (with a "You're an idiot" tone in her voice): "Because we need it."

Husband (with an "I'm not amused" tone in his voice): "Don't we already have a bottle of shampoo in the bathroom?"

Me: "Hello! In case you've both suddenly gone blind, I'm doing something here!"

Daughter (who is apparently not only blind, but also is deaf): "No. We don't have shampoo. We just have that Tea Tree shampoo stuff Mom likes."

Husband (after taking a deep breath): "So then the answer is yes, we do have shampoo?"

Daughter: "No, we just have Tea Tree."

Me (having been down similar roads many times in the past): "Can you two do this somewhere else, please?"

Husband (who apparently also has gone deaf): "So then we do have shampoo! Tea Tree IS shampoo, right?"

Daughter (in that ever-so-special teenage girl way): " Well, I guess--if you want to get technical about it."

Me (obviously in a frequency only dogs can hear): "Seriously, you two need to leave, NOW!"

Husband (losing it): "Technical? How is that technical? Does the bottle say 'shampoo' or not?"

Daughter: (clearly wanting the last word more than life itself): "I don't know what the bottle actually says, but it should say 'crap'."

Me (with that demonic, Linda Blair-ish edge to my voice): "GET OUT! GET OUT NOW!"

Then my head spun all the way around on my neck and they FINALLY LEFT MY OFFICE!


  1. Gosh, I cannot even imagine that sort of conversation around here. Nope. Not one bit.

  2. Wow! Thank you for commenting. I'm working on a post at the moment.

    Oh, and I'm also a fan of working from one's bed.

  3. Hahaha... I swung by your blog after you so graciously came by mine.

    HILARIOUS. And i'm sorry for finding folly in your trials. ;) I'm dreading my girls becoming teenagers. Just because I remember my own attitude at that age. *shudder*

    And what's wrong with tea tree shampoo? Doen't it make your scalp tingle in a nice way? Why wouldn't anyone love that?

  4. I often look at my 6 and 8 year old and think how sad I am going to be when they reach that age where they hate me and everything I say and do. My husband says if we play it right, it won't happen.

    Thanks for proving him wrong! ;-)

  5. So, wait! Don't leave us hanging! Is Tea Tree a shampoo, or not?

    Plus: How long have you been in the ... ahem ... "comfort" industry? Do all the ... ahem ... "working girls" use Tea Tree? Because I thought they'd use a shampoo with a name like "Gee, Your Hair Smells Like Stale Cigarettes and Gin!"

    It's what I would use.

  6. Your site just made me use the word verification "unsucc".

    Woo-hoo! I unsuc! Which is like the total opposite of succing!

  7. Oh my gosh that's too funny! I love that your head had to spin all the way around before they got the point! Can you teach me that trick?

    Oh, and I asked my husband the same questions as were on my blog and he said the one luxury he couldn't live without was his laptop. But I really think he'd DIE without it. Therefore, necessity.

  8. ARe you kidding...MY Husband and I have daily arguements about him leaving the room with one of the kids...because YOU may be working...but I BLOG and it requires some attention...


    It's sad, but so TRUE!!!

    Your husband was right though...TECHNICALLY it does say Shampoo on it!

    BTW, never tried that Tea-Tree stuff! :)

  9. I have always prided myself on being able to write witty repartee but I have to bow to your superior command of the English language. Your blog entries are hilarious. Keep up the good work.

  10. That is so true. Sad, yet true.

    Thanks for dropping by my blog. I enjoy such things and comments are awesome!

  11. Maybe they just aren't that "into" you. Father buying shampoo while wife works on her computer in bed. . . . daughter calling it the shampoo mom uses....at least she didn't point in your direction and say "the shampoo that SHE uses". I think you are in need of an intervention.

  12. Sorry it took so long to comment...I think Catherine and I were arguing about where all of my make-up and hair spray are. They are all HER'S of course, don't I remember buying them for HER??? As if I would buy bare essentials make-up kits for a 15 year old. Try the dollar-store sweetie...
    Floyd and I were laughing yet again, especially since Floyd uses the comparable brand of Olive Oil Essence shampoo which if I'm not mistaken sits on the shelf right next to our Tea Tree brand!! And don't worry, we won't mention to anyone at church about the v*gina word...(ha, ha, ha...the power of blackmail!)