Sunday, January 11, 2009

Alzheimer's is Fun, Volume 2

Add this to the list of things you never want to do in your life: search your mother's adult diaper for food.

I guess I should clarify: I don't mean for food for you to eat (which would surpass even the grossness of the plight of the Donner party); I mean for food that she has hidden in her Depends for her to eat because she doesn't like it that you insist she eat only in the kitchen.

My mother has resorted to such subterfuge because she refuses to be victimized by me, someone who doubts her explanation that the rotten bananas (and the accompanying fruitflies) hidden under her bed were spontaneously generated there.

Just so you know, few things will pit a husband and wife against each other more fiercely than the assignment of searching an adult diaper.

Shouldn't the rule be that the one who witnessed the alleged concealment has to search the Depends?

Apparently not, because the one who emerged into the world from the area covered by the Depends in question ended up doing it.

By the way, you probably think that it can't be that hard to catch up to a seventy-one year-old woman with Alzheimer's and two hip replacements running through your house. Think again.

Do not ever doubt that any woman of any age with any physical impairment will run REALLY FAST to protect the chocolate in her pants.


  1. I say let her have her chocolate!

  2. Oh my! I bet it's wierd having the roles reversed. Thanks for visiting my blog!

  3. Tried to leave a comment a minute ago but something strange happened! Hope this one works...thanks for visiting my blog. Hope you find strength in dealing with the illness your mother has. My father was diagnosed with dementia right before he passed away last May. Reading posts like yours makes me happy we didn't have to see him suffer. Enjoyed your blog...will be back!

  4. "Shouldn't the rule be that the one who witnessed the alleged concealment has to search the [adult undergarment]?"

    My answer to this question is - wait for it! -



    I am reading David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest at the moment, and it's set in a future where the years are subsidized by corporate entities. Most of the action takes place in The Year of The Depend Adult Undergarment. You think I'm kidding, I bet. Think again.


    Mmmmmm ... underwear chocolate ....

  5. My mother-in-law has dementia and I tell you what, it is soo depressing watching her at such a young age going through this. Every now and then something will happen that you just have to laugh at and isnt laughter the best medicine.
    One time she had to make deviled eggs for her favorite son, Chris. So I boiled her all the eggs and let her go. I came back and she had cut all the boiled eggs in half and squirted mustard on top and said in her best Betty Crocker voice "Im done!" She was soo proud. I had my husband take her to the grocery store for a quick minute and I quickly fixed all the eggs before they got back. She was soo proud serving her perfect deviled eggs, lol. I never did tell anyone that I had fixed them.

    I can only imagine your mom running through the house with chocolate in her depends and you running after her. How did you not fall down in laughter?


  6. Okay, it's official - you have weirder stories to tell than I do. Congratulations!

    And, yeah, it's your mom; you search the diaper. I'm with your husband on that one.

  7. Oh, my, I laughed so much reading this one! Thanks for showing the humorous side of what can be a devastating situation. My mom is 78 and is quickly losing her memory/mind. It's so hard to witness. And I have always promissed her that she would never have to live in a nursing home, so guess who she will be living with when the time comes? I hope I will be able to find the humor, too. Loved both of your posts on Alzheimers!